Powerless

I've been through a lot in my life.  I've survived a lot!

I grew up with an alcoholic father who was verbally and emotionally abusive to me and all that plus physically abusive to my mother.   I can remember sitting in my room as a child and just crying and crying wishing I could disappear.  I had no control.  I was helpless.  In my head though... in my dreams I had hope.  I knew one day I'd grow up and could move far far away from it all... and I did.

I got pregnant young and married an abusive man.  Again all control of my life was taken away from me.  I was afraid to speak or hell even breathe for fear of being hit.  I was isolated from family and friends 2 hours away... no phone... no neighbors.  He could do whatever he wanted to do.  In my head though... I had hope.  I knew one day I'd make an escape... and I did.

I left my ex husband with 2 small kids, a trash bag of clothes, and 20 bucks.  We lived in poverty.  I didn't know how we'd eat.  No matter how hard I worked I couldn't get my head above water.  We struggled and now my children were struggling.  I didn't feel like I could get it together and make any headway.  I'd work and work and then somebody would get sick and I'd lose a job.  As a single mom I didn't have anybody to help watch the boys where they couldn't be in daycare.  I had no control over that... In my head though... I had hope.  I knew one day we'd live a better a life.. and I did.

I met Nick and we got married.  I didn't struggle with poverty anymore.  I could go shopping and just buy whatever we needed.  We had food, clothes, food, heat, food, electricity, food, cable, food, computers... did I mention food?   We had 3 more beautiful children and I was free...

Somewhere in all that freedom and grocery shopping I got fat.  It's ok.  People always say "don't say that about yourself!"  I see no benefit in living in denial.  I'm fat... that's the truth.  I hate it.  I hate myself.   I can't stand the way my body looks, feels, moves, or acts.  I'm always anxious about what people think when they see me.  If they think I'm lazy, a slob, smelly, dirty... We go to an Amusement park and I'm scared to death I won't fit in a ride seat and all the other people in line see them tell me I'm too fat.  How humiliating would that be?  My weight is one thing I have complete control over.  I can eat right... work out... drink plenty of water... 

...but I don't.  After all times in my life I had no control over what was happening or what was going on around me... I had hope.  Not this time.  The one thing I have control over I feel completely powerless to change. 

In my head there is no hope.  No dream. No one day... Just fat.  

Who you gonna call?

Kids were outside playing.  Quiet in the house.  All I wanted was an Egg and Cheese sandwich.   Is that too much to ask?  I'm going to spend the day cleaning the house and taking care of the family and all I wanted was an egg sandwich.  I pull the last two eggs out of the fridge and start to cook.  I put them on the pan and heard that beautiful sizzle... I turn around to grab some bread and look back to see this...

What the hell?  How did that even happen?!  Anybody remember this?

I ran to fridge quickly to see if it could be true!  Could  Zuul, the demigod worshiped as a servant to Gozer the Gozerian, a Sumerian shape-changer god of destruction really be lurking in my fridge?!  Do I call my Paranormal team and tell them I've discovered the cause of our paranormal happenings?  Could I be "The Gatekeeper?!"  Is Nick really Vinz Clortho, "The Keymaster?!"

I swing the door open to find...

... it's really dirty and I need to add it to list of things to be cleaned today.

Deal A Meal

Thinking back to the old Richard Simmon's Deal A Meal commercials I thought I could modify it to help the kids eat better and to make it fun.

 Each day the girls get 7 index cards.
 ~5 Fruit/veggie (1 card = mommy's idea of the serving size)
 ~2 Water (1 card = 1 bottle of water)

On top of the cards they get every day they get 5 more for the week.
 ~3 Junk (1 card = snack size portion of cookies or chip, 1 cupcake, 1 small piece of cake)
 ~2 Soda (1 Card = 1 Soda)

Every Sunday I give them all 12 cards.

They turn the in when they are hungry. They can't ask for a soda if their water cards are there and they can't ask for a junk snack if they have fruit and veggies cards left. They use the fruit/veggie cards everyday. I give them to the girls in the morning. The soda and junk snack they get on Sunday and when they run out they run out. If they use all their Junk in one day they have to eat only healthy foods for the rest of week. We also have an Exercise card that we keep points on. 15 mins for a walk, bike ride, jumping jacks, running, etc... = 1 point. When they get to 10 points they get to pick an activity with Mommy or Daddy for special alone time. The kids are loving it. It's like a card game for them.

 This is all just the minimum of good food they should have a day and maximum of junk for the week.  They still have their meals and fruits and veggies eaten during the meals count to use a card.

Everybody will be happy and healthy and before we know it the kids will be grabbing the fruits and veggies as second nature. Win!

Free Free Free!

I was talking to a friend on facebook today and we were swapping horror stories. It made me think of this incident and I wanted to share it. Way to long for a comment in a facebook post so I figured I'd share it with everyone.

About 4 years ago Emily and Katie were very very sick. I took both girls to the doctor and they almost called 911 to have Katie transported to the ER. She was wheezing very badly but we were able to raise her oxygen levels in the office. Both girls had high fevers, wheezing, coughing... everything you can imagine. At the time Katie was 1 and Emily was 3. After spending HOURS at the doctors office we left with 7 prescriptions. Knowing how expensive this was going to be the doctor gave me a coupon for a free inhaler to help ease the cost. I drove to the pharmacy and dropped everything off. I handed the girl at the window the coupon for the free inhaler and made sure to tell her about it so she didn't miss it. They told me it would be about an hour. They didn't have chamber for the inhaler so Katie could actually use it so I went to a pharmacy about 2 miles down the road to put in the prescription for the chamber. I didn't want to take the meds to other pharmacy because we use the same one every time and they would be more likely to catch a drug interaction.

After dropping everything off I took Katie and Emily home. I gave them medicine for their fevers and they fell asleep. I had Blaze watch the girls while I quickly ran out to get the prescriptions... or so I thought.

I drove to the first pharmacy and pulled up to the window...

Me: I need to pick up for Katie and Emily Even.

Bimbo: That will be $125.00.

Me: Ok, did you use the coupon for the free inhaler?

Bimbo: The inhaler is $15.00.

Me: Yes but I have gave you a coupon for a free one.

Bimbo: I understand. It's $15.00.

Me: No, it should be free.

Bimbo: Look... you can't just get stuff for free.

Me: I can if I have a coupon for a free inhaler.

Bimbo. Somebody has to pay for this. Who is going to pay?!

Me: I imagine the manufacturer.

Bimbo: Katie doesn't have insurance.

Me: Yes she does.

Bimbo: We don't have it on file. She's never used this pharmacy before.

Me: Yes she has but here is the insurance card.

Bimbo. She has never been here before if you ask her she'll tell you that.

Me: She ONE!

Bimbo: I need 15 minutes to put this information in the computer, can you come back?

Me: Fine.

At this point I drive to the other pharmacy and pick up the chamber. I got back to the first pharmacy. This takes about 20 minutes. I pull up the window and...

Me: I need to pick up for Katie and Emily Even.

Bimbo: Yeah... Katie doesn't have insurance.

Me: I just gave you the card. You told me you needed 15 minutes to put it in the computer and asked me to come back.

Bimbo: Oh yeah... I just like got back from a 15 minute break. Let me put her info in. Can you come back in 15 minutes?

Me: Are you serious right now?

Bimbo: I guess you can wait here.

Me: *furious stare*

Bimbo: I need Katie's insurance card.

Me: I GAVE you her insurance card and you told me to come back so you could get the info in the computer!

Bimbo: Yeah... Katie does have insurance but Kelly does.

Me: What person code did you use?

Bimbo: 1

Me: That would be my husband. Katie's person code is 7... WHICH IS CLEARLY PRINTED ON THE INSURANCE CARD YOU ARE HOLDING IN YOUR HAND!!!

Bimbo: Yeah she's not in our system.

Me: PUT HER IN THE SYSTEM!

Bimbo: Kelly's person code is 2.

Me: I AM KELLY. THIS IS FOR KATIE! CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME THE KEYBOARD AND I WILL PUT HER IN THE SYSTEM!

Bimbo: Hold on please. (20 minutes later) That will be $75.00.

Me: Was the inhaler free?

Bimbo: Umm yeah... that was never an issue.

I just paid for the prescriptions and just drove away. I needed to get back home for the girls. When I pulled up to the pharmacy I was on the phone with my friend Deanna. I put the phone on my lap to talk to the woman at the pharmacy and Deanna was a trooper. She stayed on the phone the WHOLE time. Every time the woman opened her mouth I could hear Deanna HOWLING with laughter. Had she not been on the phone she would never had believed that all actually happened.

What a fun day that was!!!

Thanksbitching

Once upon a time there was a happy yet crazy family. They got together every year on Thanksgiving and had a fabulous time. Each person's crazy worked around other peoples crazy to create a peaceful and semi-normal Thanksgiving. Everybody in the family would bring a dish and enjoy a great meal. One of the family favorites was a Sweet Potato Casserole. A stunningly beautiful and brilliant member of the family Karly always brought this Casserole to Thanksgiving after years of perfecting it.



Then one dark stormy Sunday morning 4 years ago in the back row of Church one member of the family Brenda met a man named Dave. Brenda and Dave hit it off right away and got married rather quickly. Suddenly this crazy family had a new member in it. Where will Dave's crazy fit into the family's crazy?

Dave is one of those blow hard, know it all, crush the other person with verbal abuse kinda of people. One day tried to tell Karly what it was like to be pregnant... yes DAVE tried to tell KARLY (mother of 5) what it's like to be pregnant. When Karly questioned his credentials on what it's like to be pregnant she was put down and treated with much disrespect. Karly quickly decided she would no longer engage Dave in nastiness which only pissed him off more. Dave not only creates arguments he does his best to win them and be right by doing his best to put the other person down and make them feel stupid. Karly is amused by Dave... and very much so.

Seasons changed and Thanksgiving rolled around again. Karly showed up for dinner with her usual and delicious Sweet Potato Casserole. Did I mention this was a family favorite? When Dave showed up he saw Karly's Casserole and very upset. It seems that Dave always did the Casserole for his family. In an ever so loving attempt to fit in with the family crazy Dave immediately threw a temper tantrum that Karly had already brought one. Dave believed that since he took care of this for his family that the whole universe should have known this was HIS dish. Karly somehow missed the memo. After a verbal lashing from Dave, Karly questioned why she shouldn't bring the Casserole when it's been her thing for 10 years and Dave hadn't even been around for 1! Trying to not make waves Karly decided she wouldn't bring it the following year. Family members protested and insisted that Karly bring her specialty dish to the dinner table every year. Since she is always willing to please she agreed. She politely sampled Dave's dish and complimented him on it. Dave then went on to tell Karly at length how superior his dish was to hers.

Every Thanksgiving that passed tension was building... Dave was resentful of Karly for continuing to bring this Casserole. It could not go unnoticed that Karly's Casserole was disappearing quickly while his remained with a few polite spoon fulls taken out.

This Thanksgiving Karly went about her normal business and made her Casserole to bring to dinner. Upon walking in Karly saw Dave and smiled, wished him a Happy Thanksgiving and asked how Dave was doing. Dave gave a nasty look to Karly and just walked away. While in the kitchen Karly was putting the finishing touches on her dish and noticed Dave was standing in front of the oven. Karly asked where the pot holders were so she could remove the Casserole from the oven before it burned. Dave snapped at Karly that he ONLY knows where the pot holders were at HIS house. Karly found the pot holders and went to open the oven but Dave wouldn't move. He wanted her Casserole to burn. What Dave didn't know is Karly doesn't get walked all over and knows how to stand up for herself. After saying excuse me with a smile and Dave not moving Karly simply opened the oven door forcing Dave to jump out of the way as to not get burned.

Dinner is over and Brenda and Dave are getting ready to leave. Karly asks Brenda if she is going shopping tomorrow. Dave speaks up and says "NO, I have to work tomorrow!" First off Karly wasn't even speaking to Dave. She was pretty sure Brenda was able to go shopping all on her own. Secondly, Karly wasn't impressed. You see Dave has had issues keeping a job. Karly's husband works his ass off working 2 jobs to provide for his family. Karly simply smiled and wished Brenda a Happy Thanksgiving. Another dirty look and more tension and hatred hurled at Karly from Dave's spirit and they were gone.

Karly is now home with her family and curled up on the couch with her best furry friend Bonkers. However she did notice before leaving that once again her Casserole was gone and Dave's Casserole remained on the counter to later be tossed in the trash... and that's even AFTER everybody took home leftovers. Only 364 days until the next battle of the Sweet Potato Casserole.

Disclaimer... Any resemblance to situations or family members past or present of Kellybean are strictly coincidental.... ;)

Pilgrims and Pink Crocs

What a morning! Things started out wrong from my first sip of coffee... which ended up down my shirt. So I've got a paper towel down my shirt trying to clean up the pool of coffee in my bra and turn around to see Rebekah staring at me. She thought for a second and said "do you stuff your bra?"

All three girls up and getting ready for school. Today is Katie's Thanksgiving reenactment at preschool. Now they sent home a note about having fun making your child's costume with them! Yeah... I don't make costumes. I am NOT that mom. I have ZERO crafty ability in me. So I ordered one... a child's small pilgrim costume. Girls have eaten breakfast and brushing teeth and getting dressed. I put Katie's costume on and they sent me a child's medium not a child's small. Now I know I'm not a tall person but this thing was long enough to fit me... Not WIDE enough mind you but long enough. Great. Now what do I do. So I stand Katie up on the dining room table and Rebekah throws a fit that you are not allowed to stand on the table. I'm trying to explain to her that she's right but I need Katie up there for right now. So I cut the bottom of her costume which was all kinds of crooked but hey it was shorter but not short enough. ARGH! I use two sided tape to try and pull it up higher. I get halfway done and it's time to take Rebekah and Emily to school. We get in the car and by the time we got home it's clear the tape isn't holding. I have 10 minutes! So now I'm trying to use safety pins to get this thing to somewhat fit. Finally my little Pilgrim is ready!



...except we don't have black shoes. So she puts on her Pink Crocs and assures me that Pilgrims wore Crocs. The girls wore pink ones and the boys wore black ones. Pick your battles... Pink Crocs it is!

We leave the house and have to turn around to pick up Cole because even though Dawn texted me 5 minutes earlier about getting him I still forgot! We get Cole and are on our way! When I dropped Pilgrim Kathryn off at preschool all safety pins were intact. I'm sure Katie is sitting in class crying at all the ones that have come undone and are sticking her in various tender places. I just hope she doesn't take out anybody else with her!

Now I'm home for a couple of minutes before it's time to head back for the Pilgrims to arrive on the Mayflower!

The Full Moon Theory

Ok, so I've never been one of the people that believed a full moon can affect the behavior of people and animals. Now I'm a Paranormal Investigator and I believe in ghosts, demons, and angels. I 50/50 on UFO's and wouldn't rule out BigFoot all together but come on... the moon changing the way people act? Don't be ridiculous!

Or maybe not... So I am running a mundane errand this morning and driving out of our neighborhood. We have a creek across the street from us and to get out of the neighborhood we drive over it. On both sides it's woods, rocks, and water. Not deep water unless it's raining hard but enough. As I'm driving I see a teenager climbing up out of the wooded area out of the creek over the guardrail... and he has a rope in his hand. Not the most normal thing to see. I asked some friends for advice since it was so odd and we agreed I should call the police. So I call the non emergency number. They were not impressed with Creek Boy and blew me off. I have a friend who has a cop in her family so I let her know that if they find a body around here I maybe helpful in the investigation!

So I go on about my day a bit creeped out by Creek Boy. I had a Therapy appointment today so I walked in and sat in the waiting room. Sitting across from me is a lady holding a beautiful baby girl. She was so tiny and cute. I asked how old the baby was and mom said she was 3 weeks old. I said she was adorable and figured the interaction was over... OH NO! Not even close. I've posted about the people in the waiting room before but this tops them all! The lady looks at me and says "I had to let my ex take my teenagers. I can't provide for them like they need. I'm doing it all on my own with this baby. I lost my old cell phone so I can't contact her father since his number was on it. He doesn't even know about her yet!" I sympathetically said "I'm sorry to hear that. That must be hard" Conversation over? Nope! She tells me she is 38 and has 3 kids well except for all the abortions she had to get but this little girl is her miracle baby. I was a bit shocked by that but who am I to judge her and her decisions. Reminding myself of a recent sermon I heard and that God sees her as good and worth dying for. I would just say she was crazy. She then tells me (again) she is 38 and had an emergency C-section. At this point I pick up my cell phone thinking maybe if I look busy she'll stop talking! No such luck. What came out of her mouth next was beyond TMI. This is your warning... She says "I think I have an infection because I have a strange odor coming from my vagina." Is there an appropriate thing to say to that? So I smile and said you should call your doctor. At this point I'm thankful shes at a Therapist office because she is CLEARLY in the right place. She tells me the baby is sick and she has to change her diaper. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WAITING ROOM SHE CHANGES A BLOW OUT DIARRHEA DIAPER! At this point I'm just at a loss for words. She finishes changing the diaper, stands up and puts the baby in my arms! She says "here you hold her while I wash my hands" and she leaves the room. Now I'm pretty open about being in Therapy and anybody who knows me knows I'm a safe person to leave an infant with... However this woman doesn't know me! She handed a stranger in the waiting room of a mental health office her new born child and left the room! This sweet little baby was crying and fussy. I'm holding her and rocking and doing the "mommy thing" and the baby calms down and falls asleep. The woman walks back in and says "WOW! You calmed her right down!" I got to hand her the baby back and she says "no she's happy with you. You hold her"

So here I am holding this strangers baby and the head doctor came out. He looked at me and said "I didn't even know you were pregnant! Congrats she's beautiful!" So I say the baby isn't mine she's hers and pointed at the lady. I'm now giving the doctor the "HELP ME" look. So the lady looks at him and says "My son says I'm too old to breastfeed." He smiled and said men are pretty clueless about that stuff and she should talk to the baby's doctor. He walked towards the back of the waiting room and was just kinda paying attention to what is going on. Meanwhile I'm still holding the baby! Then this lady looks at me and says "so what are you here for? What's your diagnosis?" At this point the doctor (who I wasn't there to see) calls my name and says he's ready for me. So I hand her the baby and shockingly she took her! I walked in the doctors office and asked if he needed to see me and he said "nope! But it looked like you needed some help!" I waited there for a couple of minutes until my therapist was ready for me.

I drive home in disbelief of what just happened. I get home and think FINALLY! I'm with my own normal kinda crazy people! Now anybody who knows me at all knows about my very loved and very misbehaved dog Boogie. Boogie hates our cat. If the cat shows her face on the steps Boogie will bark and do anything he can to get to her. If he gets upstairs we have to fight to get him back down. He hides under our bed and we end up playing chase for awhile. We didn't have the gate on the steps and the cat came down. Boogie sees her and calmly walks over to her and gets on the steps. He just stands there and stares at her and sniffs her. Then he walks up the steps and the cat follows. We wait for a second. No barking, no running around... nothing. Boogie on his own strolls back down the steps and lays down. It has been his mission from day one to get this cat! Now they are getting along?!

I am now a firm believer in "The Full Moon Theory"