Powerless

I've been through a lot in my life.  I've survived a lot!

I grew up with an alcoholic father who was verbally and emotionally abusive to me and all that plus physically abusive to my mother.   I can remember sitting in my room as a child and just crying and crying wishing I could disappear.  I had no control.  I was helpless.  In my head though... in my dreams I had hope.  I knew one day I'd grow up and could move far far away from it all... and I did.

I got pregnant young and married an abusive man.  Again all control of my life was taken away from me.  I was afraid to speak or hell even breathe for fear of being hit.  I was isolated from family and friends 2 hours away... no phone... no neighbors.  He could do whatever he wanted to do.  In my head though... I had hope.  I knew one day I'd make an escape... and I did.

I left my ex husband with 2 small kids, a trash bag of clothes, and 20 bucks.  We lived in poverty.  I didn't know how we'd eat.  No matter how hard I worked I couldn't get my head above water.  We struggled and now my children were struggling.  I didn't feel like I could get it together and make any headway.  I'd work and work and then somebody would get sick and I'd lose a job.  As a single mom I didn't have anybody to help watch the boys where they couldn't be in daycare.  I had no control over that... In my head though... I had hope.  I knew one day we'd live a better a life.. and I did.

I met Nick and we got married.  I didn't struggle with poverty anymore.  I could go shopping and just buy whatever we needed.  We had food, clothes, food, heat, food, electricity, food, cable, food, computers... did I mention food?   We had 3 more beautiful children and I was free...

Somewhere in all that freedom and grocery shopping I got fat.  It's ok.  People always say "don't say that about yourself!"  I see no benefit in living in denial.  I'm fat... that's the truth.  I hate it.  I hate myself.   I can't stand the way my body looks, feels, moves, or acts.  I'm always anxious about what people think when they see me.  If they think I'm lazy, a slob, smelly, dirty... We go to an Amusement park and I'm scared to death I won't fit in a ride seat and all the other people in line see them tell me I'm too fat.  How humiliating would that be?  My weight is one thing I have complete control over.  I can eat right... work out... drink plenty of water... 

...but I don't.  After all times in my life I had no control over what was happening or what was going on around me... I had hope.  Not this time.  The one thing I have control over I feel completely powerless to change. 

In my head there is no hope.  No dream. No one day... Just fat.  

Who you gonna call?

Kids were outside playing.  Quiet in the house.  All I wanted was an Egg and Cheese sandwich.   Is that too much to ask?  I'm going to spend the day cleaning the house and taking care of the family and all I wanted was an egg sandwich.  I pull the last two eggs out of the fridge and start to cook.  I put them on the pan and heard that beautiful sizzle... I turn around to grab some bread and look back to see this...

What the hell?  How did that even happen?!  Anybody remember this?

I ran to fridge quickly to see if it could be true!  Could  Zuul, the demigod worshiped as a servant to Gozer the Gozerian, a Sumerian shape-changer god of destruction really be lurking in my fridge?!  Do I call my Paranormal team and tell them I've discovered the cause of our paranormal happenings?  Could I be "The Gatekeeper?!"  Is Nick really Vinz Clortho, "The Keymaster?!"

I swing the door open to find...

... it's really dirty and I need to add it to list of things to be cleaned today.

Deal A Meal

Thinking back to the old Richard Simmon's Deal A Meal commercials I thought I could modify it to help the kids eat better and to make it fun.

 Each day the girls get 7 index cards.
 ~5 Fruit/veggie (1 card = mommy's idea of the serving size)
 ~2 Water (1 card = 1 bottle of water)

On top of the cards they get every day they get 5 more for the week.
 ~3 Junk (1 card = snack size portion of cookies or chip, 1 cupcake, 1 small piece of cake)
 ~2 Soda (1 Card = 1 Soda)

Every Sunday I give them all 12 cards.

They turn the in when they are hungry. They can't ask for a soda if their water cards are there and they can't ask for a junk snack if they have fruit and veggies cards left. They use the fruit/veggie cards everyday. I give them to the girls in the morning. The soda and junk snack they get on Sunday and when they run out they run out. If they use all their Junk in one day they have to eat only healthy foods for the rest of week. We also have an Exercise card that we keep points on. 15 mins for a walk, bike ride, jumping jacks, running, etc... = 1 point. When they get to 10 points they get to pick an activity with Mommy or Daddy for special alone time. The kids are loving it. It's like a card game for them.

 This is all just the minimum of good food they should have a day and maximum of junk for the week.  They still have their meals and fruits and veggies eaten during the meals count to use a card.

Everybody will be happy and healthy and before we know it the kids will be grabbing the fruits and veggies as second nature. Win!

Free Free Free!

I was talking to a friend on facebook today and we were swapping horror stories. It made me think of this incident and I wanted to share it. Way to long for a comment in a facebook post so I figured I'd share it with everyone.

About 4 years ago Emily and Katie were very very sick. I took both girls to the doctor and they almost called 911 to have Katie transported to the ER. She was wheezing very badly but we were able to raise her oxygen levels in the office. Both girls had high fevers, wheezing, coughing... everything you can imagine. At the time Katie was 1 and Emily was 3. After spending HOURS at the doctors office we left with 7 prescriptions. Knowing how expensive this was going to be the doctor gave me a coupon for a free inhaler to help ease the cost. I drove to the pharmacy and dropped everything off. I handed the girl at the window the coupon for the free inhaler and made sure to tell her about it so she didn't miss it. They told me it would be about an hour. They didn't have chamber for the inhaler so Katie could actually use it so I went to a pharmacy about 2 miles down the road to put in the prescription for the chamber. I didn't want to take the meds to other pharmacy because we use the same one every time and they would be more likely to catch a drug interaction.

After dropping everything off I took Katie and Emily home. I gave them medicine for their fevers and they fell asleep. I had Blaze watch the girls while I quickly ran out to get the prescriptions... or so I thought.

I drove to the first pharmacy and pulled up to the window...

Me: I need to pick up for Katie and Emily Even.

Bimbo: That will be $125.00.

Me: Ok, did you use the coupon for the free inhaler?

Bimbo: The inhaler is $15.00.

Me: Yes but I have gave you a coupon for a free one.

Bimbo: I understand. It's $15.00.

Me: No, it should be free.

Bimbo: Look... you can't just get stuff for free.

Me: I can if I have a coupon for a free inhaler.

Bimbo. Somebody has to pay for this. Who is going to pay?!

Me: I imagine the manufacturer.

Bimbo: Katie doesn't have insurance.

Me: Yes she does.

Bimbo: We don't have it on file. She's never used this pharmacy before.

Me: Yes she has but here is the insurance card.

Bimbo. She has never been here before if you ask her she'll tell you that.

Me: She ONE!

Bimbo: I need 15 minutes to put this information in the computer, can you come back?

Me: Fine.

At this point I drive to the other pharmacy and pick up the chamber. I got back to the first pharmacy. This takes about 20 minutes. I pull up the window and...

Me: I need to pick up for Katie and Emily Even.

Bimbo: Yeah... Katie doesn't have insurance.

Me: I just gave you the card. You told me you needed 15 minutes to put it in the computer and asked me to come back.

Bimbo: Oh yeah... I just like got back from a 15 minute break. Let me put her info in. Can you come back in 15 minutes?

Me: Are you serious right now?

Bimbo: I guess you can wait here.

Me: *furious stare*

Bimbo: I need Katie's insurance card.

Me: I GAVE you her insurance card and you told me to come back so you could get the info in the computer!

Bimbo: Yeah... Katie does have insurance but Kelly does.

Me: What person code did you use?

Bimbo: 1

Me: That would be my husband. Katie's person code is 7... WHICH IS CLEARLY PRINTED ON THE INSURANCE CARD YOU ARE HOLDING IN YOUR HAND!!!

Bimbo: Yeah she's not in our system.

Me: PUT HER IN THE SYSTEM!

Bimbo: Kelly's person code is 2.

Me: I AM KELLY. THIS IS FOR KATIE! CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME THE KEYBOARD AND I WILL PUT HER IN THE SYSTEM!

Bimbo: Hold on please. (20 minutes later) That will be $75.00.

Me: Was the inhaler free?

Bimbo: Umm yeah... that was never an issue.

I just paid for the prescriptions and just drove away. I needed to get back home for the girls. When I pulled up to the pharmacy I was on the phone with my friend Deanna. I put the phone on my lap to talk to the woman at the pharmacy and Deanna was a trooper. She stayed on the phone the WHOLE time. Every time the woman opened her mouth I could hear Deanna HOWLING with laughter. Had she not been on the phone she would never had believed that all actually happened.

What a fun day that was!!!