Thanksbitching

Once upon a time there was a happy yet crazy family. They got together every year on Thanksgiving and had a fabulous time. Each person's crazy worked around other peoples crazy to create a peaceful and semi-normal Thanksgiving. Everybody in the family would bring a dish and enjoy a great meal. One of the family favorites was a Sweet Potato Casserole. A stunningly beautiful and brilliant member of the family Karly always brought this Casserole to Thanksgiving after years of perfecting it.



Then one dark stormy Sunday morning 4 years ago in the back row of Church one member of the family Brenda met a man named Dave. Brenda and Dave hit it off right away and got married rather quickly. Suddenly this crazy family had a new member in it. Where will Dave's crazy fit into the family's crazy?

Dave is one of those blow hard, know it all, crush the other person with verbal abuse kinda of people. One day tried to tell Karly what it was like to be pregnant... yes DAVE tried to tell KARLY (mother of 5) what it's like to be pregnant. When Karly questioned his credentials on what it's like to be pregnant she was put down and treated with much disrespect. Karly quickly decided she would no longer engage Dave in nastiness which only pissed him off more. Dave not only creates arguments he does his best to win them and be right by doing his best to put the other person down and make them feel stupid. Karly is amused by Dave... and very much so.

Seasons changed and Thanksgiving rolled around again. Karly showed up for dinner with her usual and delicious Sweet Potato Casserole. Did I mention this was a family favorite? When Dave showed up he saw Karly's Casserole and very upset. It seems that Dave always did the Casserole for his family. In an ever so loving attempt to fit in with the family crazy Dave immediately threw a temper tantrum that Karly had already brought one. Dave believed that since he took care of this for his family that the whole universe should have known this was HIS dish. Karly somehow missed the memo. After a verbal lashing from Dave, Karly questioned why she shouldn't bring the Casserole when it's been her thing for 10 years and Dave hadn't even been around for 1! Trying to not make waves Karly decided she wouldn't bring it the following year. Family members protested and insisted that Karly bring her specialty dish to the dinner table every year. Since she is always willing to please she agreed. She politely sampled Dave's dish and complimented him on it. Dave then went on to tell Karly at length how superior his dish was to hers.

Every Thanksgiving that passed tension was building... Dave was resentful of Karly for continuing to bring this Casserole. It could not go unnoticed that Karly's Casserole was disappearing quickly while his remained with a few polite spoon fulls taken out.

This Thanksgiving Karly went about her normal business and made her Casserole to bring to dinner. Upon walking in Karly saw Dave and smiled, wished him a Happy Thanksgiving and asked how Dave was doing. Dave gave a nasty look to Karly and just walked away. While in the kitchen Karly was putting the finishing touches on her dish and noticed Dave was standing in front of the oven. Karly asked where the pot holders were so she could remove the Casserole from the oven before it burned. Dave snapped at Karly that he ONLY knows where the pot holders were at HIS house. Karly found the pot holders and went to open the oven but Dave wouldn't move. He wanted her Casserole to burn. What Dave didn't know is Karly doesn't get walked all over and knows how to stand up for herself. After saying excuse me with a smile and Dave not moving Karly simply opened the oven door forcing Dave to jump out of the way as to not get burned.

Dinner is over and Brenda and Dave are getting ready to leave. Karly asks Brenda if she is going shopping tomorrow. Dave speaks up and says "NO, I have to work tomorrow!" First off Karly wasn't even speaking to Dave. She was pretty sure Brenda was able to go shopping all on her own. Secondly, Karly wasn't impressed. You see Dave has had issues keeping a job. Karly's husband works his ass off working 2 jobs to provide for his family. Karly simply smiled and wished Brenda a Happy Thanksgiving. Another dirty look and more tension and hatred hurled at Karly from Dave's spirit and they were gone.

Karly is now home with her family and curled up on the couch with her best furry friend Bonkers. However she did notice before leaving that once again her Casserole was gone and Dave's Casserole remained on the counter to later be tossed in the trash... and that's even AFTER everybody took home leftovers. Only 364 days until the next battle of the Sweet Potato Casserole.

Disclaimer... Any resemblance to situations or family members past or present of Kellybean are strictly coincidental.... ;)

Pilgrims and Pink Crocs

What a morning! Things started out wrong from my first sip of coffee... which ended up down my shirt. So I've got a paper towel down my shirt trying to clean up the pool of coffee in my bra and turn around to see Rebekah staring at me. She thought for a second and said "do you stuff your bra?"

All three girls up and getting ready for school. Today is Katie's Thanksgiving reenactment at preschool. Now they sent home a note about having fun making your child's costume with them! Yeah... I don't make costumes. I am NOT that mom. I have ZERO crafty ability in me. So I ordered one... a child's small pilgrim costume. Girls have eaten breakfast and brushing teeth and getting dressed. I put Katie's costume on and they sent me a child's medium not a child's small. Now I know I'm not a tall person but this thing was long enough to fit me... Not WIDE enough mind you but long enough. Great. Now what do I do. So I stand Katie up on the dining room table and Rebekah throws a fit that you are not allowed to stand on the table. I'm trying to explain to her that she's right but I need Katie up there for right now. So I cut the bottom of her costume which was all kinds of crooked but hey it was shorter but not short enough. ARGH! I use two sided tape to try and pull it up higher. I get halfway done and it's time to take Rebekah and Emily to school. We get in the car and by the time we got home it's clear the tape isn't holding. I have 10 minutes! So now I'm trying to use safety pins to get this thing to somewhat fit. Finally my little Pilgrim is ready!



...except we don't have black shoes. So she puts on her Pink Crocs and assures me that Pilgrims wore Crocs. The girls wore pink ones and the boys wore black ones. Pick your battles... Pink Crocs it is!

We leave the house and have to turn around to pick up Cole because even though Dawn texted me 5 minutes earlier about getting him I still forgot! We get Cole and are on our way! When I dropped Pilgrim Kathryn off at preschool all safety pins were intact. I'm sure Katie is sitting in class crying at all the ones that have come undone and are sticking her in various tender places. I just hope she doesn't take out anybody else with her!

Now I'm home for a couple of minutes before it's time to head back for the Pilgrims to arrive on the Mayflower!

The Full Moon Theory

Ok, so I've never been one of the people that believed a full moon can affect the behavior of people and animals. Now I'm a Paranormal Investigator and I believe in ghosts, demons, and angels. I 50/50 on UFO's and wouldn't rule out BigFoot all together but come on... the moon changing the way people act? Don't be ridiculous!

Or maybe not... So I am running a mundane errand this morning and driving out of our neighborhood. We have a creek across the street from us and to get out of the neighborhood we drive over it. On both sides it's woods, rocks, and water. Not deep water unless it's raining hard but enough. As I'm driving I see a teenager climbing up out of the wooded area out of the creek over the guardrail... and he has a rope in his hand. Not the most normal thing to see. I asked some friends for advice since it was so odd and we agreed I should call the police. So I call the non emergency number. They were not impressed with Creek Boy and blew me off. I have a friend who has a cop in her family so I let her know that if they find a body around here I maybe helpful in the investigation!

So I go on about my day a bit creeped out by Creek Boy. I had a Therapy appointment today so I walked in and sat in the waiting room. Sitting across from me is a lady holding a beautiful baby girl. She was so tiny and cute. I asked how old the baby was and mom said she was 3 weeks old. I said she was adorable and figured the interaction was over... OH NO! Not even close. I've posted about the people in the waiting room before but this tops them all! The lady looks at me and says "I had to let my ex take my teenagers. I can't provide for them like they need. I'm doing it all on my own with this baby. I lost my old cell phone so I can't contact her father since his number was on it. He doesn't even know about her yet!" I sympathetically said "I'm sorry to hear that. That must be hard" Conversation over? Nope! She tells me she is 38 and has 3 kids well except for all the abortions she had to get but this little girl is her miracle baby. I was a bit shocked by that but who am I to judge her and her decisions. Reminding myself of a recent sermon I heard and that God sees her as good and worth dying for. I would just say she was crazy. She then tells me (again) she is 38 and had an emergency C-section. At this point I pick up my cell phone thinking maybe if I look busy she'll stop talking! No such luck. What came out of her mouth next was beyond TMI. This is your warning... She says "I think I have an infection because I have a strange odor coming from my vagina." Is there an appropriate thing to say to that? So I smile and said you should call your doctor. At this point I'm thankful shes at a Therapist office because she is CLEARLY in the right place. She tells me the baby is sick and she has to change her diaper. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WAITING ROOM SHE CHANGES A BLOW OUT DIARRHEA DIAPER! At this point I'm just at a loss for words. She finishes changing the diaper, stands up and puts the baby in my arms! She says "here you hold her while I wash my hands" and she leaves the room. Now I'm pretty open about being in Therapy and anybody who knows me knows I'm a safe person to leave an infant with... However this woman doesn't know me! She handed a stranger in the waiting room of a mental health office her new born child and left the room! This sweet little baby was crying and fussy. I'm holding her and rocking and doing the "mommy thing" and the baby calms down and falls asleep. The woman walks back in and says "WOW! You calmed her right down!" I got to hand her the baby back and she says "no she's happy with you. You hold her"

So here I am holding this strangers baby and the head doctor came out. He looked at me and said "I didn't even know you were pregnant! Congrats she's beautiful!" So I say the baby isn't mine she's hers and pointed at the lady. I'm now giving the doctor the "HELP ME" look. So the lady looks at him and says "My son says I'm too old to breastfeed." He smiled and said men are pretty clueless about that stuff and she should talk to the baby's doctor. He walked towards the back of the waiting room and was just kinda paying attention to what is going on. Meanwhile I'm still holding the baby! Then this lady looks at me and says "so what are you here for? What's your diagnosis?" At this point the doctor (who I wasn't there to see) calls my name and says he's ready for me. So I hand her the baby and shockingly she took her! I walked in the doctors office and asked if he needed to see me and he said "nope! But it looked like you needed some help!" I waited there for a couple of minutes until my therapist was ready for me.

I drive home in disbelief of what just happened. I get home and think FINALLY! I'm with my own normal kinda crazy people! Now anybody who knows me at all knows about my very loved and very misbehaved dog Boogie. Boogie hates our cat. If the cat shows her face on the steps Boogie will bark and do anything he can to get to her. If he gets upstairs we have to fight to get him back down. He hides under our bed and we end up playing chase for awhile. We didn't have the gate on the steps and the cat came down. Boogie sees her and calmly walks over to her and gets on the steps. He just stands there and stares at her and sniffs her. Then he walks up the steps and the cat follows. We wait for a second. No barking, no running around... nothing. Boogie on his own strolls back down the steps and lays down. It has been his mission from day one to get this cat! Now they are getting along?!

I am now a firm believer in "The Full Moon Theory"

Whale Tail

I saw this video this morning of a Humpback Whale jumping out of the water next to a suffer and 2 people in a Kayak. A little info on Humpback Whales... They grow to be about 52 feet long, weighing 30-50 tons. These Whales are HUGE. If you watch the video you'll see the man in the Kayak misses the entire event because he is staring at the Suffer in a bikini. How in the HELL do you not notice a Humpback Whale leaping out of the sea right next to you?! You would think the noise of this would be significant and the Kayak would be rocking a bit. Again he didn't turn around until he after it was over. HOW? The point of them going out was to watch the Whales! He will NEVER get this close to another Humpback whale. Apparently Boobs always win.

Men...

A little more... a little less....

So I started this blog a year ago. I managed to crank out a whole 7 blog posts! Hopefully we'll have a little more of these this year.

Life is such a give and take. In the last year I've had a little less friends which was painful but opened the door for a little more new and improved friends. I've had a little less weight... then a little more... then a little less... then a little more... right now we're hoping to stay in the "little less" part of this roller coaster. We've had a little less money and continued to be generous and attentive to other peoples needs, which lead to a little more money.

Over the last year I put myself in Therapy. At the time I felt like I was exposing my weakness. I was now one of those people. One of those people who need medication to be semi normal. One of those people who needed to cry to a therapist every week. Needing therapy felt shameful to me. What I started therapy I cried quite a bit. After a couple of weeks of a pity party I actually REALLY started therapy. Learning to change my thinking was hard. Learning that I wasn't go to therapy for my therapist to fix my problems but I was going for her to teach me how to fix myself just seemed like an overwhelming task. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. I didn't want to get out of bed let a lone do homework from therapy. Wasn't it enough that I was there. In the beginning of therapy was TONS of homework. I committed to doing it and over time had a little less... then a little less from that... to nothing. No homework. I didn't have to write things down and analyze them. I one day found myself just naturally thinking differently. You get out of therapy what you put into it. If you want to whine and bitch call your best friend. If you want to go to "Hokey Pokey Anonymous" (That is where we turn ourselves around) go to therapy. Work it!

I've moved a little more towards normal and a little less away from crazy. My Major Depressive Disorder is now in remission. Still have a journey ahead of me and more to work on. I may not be where I need to be but thank God I'm not where I was. I'm dropping the shame of therapy. I just can't seem to find shame in making my life better.

One thing I've had a lot more of is love. Friends, Pastors, Family, and even Boogie. I've felt them around me, praying for me, and loving me when I was a little less than lovable... Ok a lot less than loveable.

Thank you to all of you who have been there for me and will continue love me. That said... please don't worry. I'll never lose all my crazy. It is after all part of my charm. :)