A little more... a little less....

So I started this blog a year ago. I managed to crank out a whole 7 blog posts! Hopefully we'll have a little more of these this year.

Life is such a give and take. In the last year I've had a little less friends which was painful but opened the door for a little more new and improved friends. I've had a little less weight... then a little more... then a little less... then a little more... right now we're hoping to stay in the "little less" part of this roller coaster. We've had a little less money and continued to be generous and attentive to other peoples needs, which lead to a little more money.

Over the last year I put myself in Therapy. At the time I felt like I was exposing my weakness. I was now one of those people. One of those people who need medication to be semi normal. One of those people who needed to cry to a therapist every week. Needing therapy felt shameful to me. What I started therapy I cried quite a bit. After a couple of weeks of a pity party I actually REALLY started therapy. Learning to change my thinking was hard. Learning that I wasn't go to therapy for my therapist to fix my problems but I was going for her to teach me how to fix myself just seemed like an overwhelming task. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. I didn't want to get out of bed let a lone do homework from therapy. Wasn't it enough that I was there. In the beginning of therapy was TONS of homework. I committed to doing it and over time had a little less... then a little less from that... to nothing. No homework. I didn't have to write things down and analyze them. I one day found myself just naturally thinking differently. You get out of therapy what you put into it. If you want to whine and bitch call your best friend. If you want to go to "Hokey Pokey Anonymous" (That is where we turn ourselves around) go to therapy. Work it!

I've moved a little more towards normal and a little less away from crazy. My Major Depressive Disorder is now in remission. Still have a journey ahead of me and more to work on. I may not be where I need to be but thank God I'm not where I was. I'm dropping the shame of therapy. I just can't seem to find shame in making my life better.

One thing I've had a lot more of is love. Friends, Pastors, Family, and even Boogie. I've felt them around me, praying for me, and loving me when I was a little less than lovable... Ok a lot less than loveable.

Thank you to all of you who have been there for me and will continue love me. That said... please don't worry. I'll never lose all my crazy. It is after all part of my charm. :)